oTHeNTicZ oZaN

semasa; part 1.

2012-01-26T16:41:00.002+08:00

SI POLAN DAN SANG POLITIK

Ketawa melihat si polan

rancak bermain kata

lancang menutur bicara

kencang bermadah bahasa

tapi kosong

Ketawa melihat polan lain

terhenjut-henjut mengibar janji

terkinja-kinja merentang panji

memperlihat satu teka teki

yang kosong

Ketawa melihat polan lain

licik menentang propaganda

celik melawan senjata

katanya nanti noda anak bangsa

kekal kosong

Ketawa melihat polan lain

berkobar melafaz kebenaran

nekad merintis masa hadapan

dengan langkah tak keruan

pasti kosong

Ketawa melihat polan lain

memperguna si polan-polan

boneka pesta keamanan

merenggut nilai kemanusiaan

punca negara kosong.

ok sumpah lama gila..

2012-01-26T16:12:00.000+08:00

macam dah lama aku tak buka blog ni.
yes sangat lama.
too may things to talk about.
but too limited time and space to be spent.
so many updates to be updated,
but little stories to be shared.

holiday at home is just as awesome as before.
never been better.
heading back to shah alam soon.
gonna do something for the very last time.
gasping the smell of freedom.
unleashing self from these binding shackles.
haha.

then, gonna be back home around 1-2 week/s
it depends.
semester 6 dah nak start dah.
promised to myself and few others to live to the fullest
enjoy i mean :)
after that, the very last holiday as a student.
few peeps have been phoning me.
offering few jobs, tasks to do.
writing, entering something, doing thing that i dont think i'll be doing it again, etc.
sorry for the time being, i've to turn them down.
lemme think first kay, :)
plus, the said holiday is entirely the last one before a hectic coming 5/6 months.

pk, see you soon mr blog.
muahx.

Constantly..

2011-10-02T19:35:00.003+08:00

I adore Deborah Priya Henry. She's like the besttt contender MALAYSIA ever contested in a beauty pageant competition. But, without knowing what went wrong; she didn't make it to Top 16. But Debbie, you are Malaysians' Miss Universe that everyone is proud of.

quoted from : Missology (official and leading pageant blog)

-MOST SHOCK EXCLUSION IN MISS UNIVERSE HISTORY-

Deborah Henry, Miss Malaysia 2011

From the beginning, Malaysia’s major weakness is the sash factor. Even myself believed that she could be ignored in the pageant. But hey, she’s a shoo in for the semis, and even for the crown. Predicted by most to be the winner because of her classic beauty, effervescent appeal, and her queenly substance and aura, she gave an incredible performance since the beginning up to the preliminaries. She even leads the Asian region according to some pageant fans. Malaysia really waited for their biggest chance because this country placed long time ago (1970). However, Debbie failed and considered to be one of the most shocking exclusions in MU.

Inspirasi; vol.1

2011-08-24T21:44:00.001+08:00

HIDUP KITA BUKAN PROKSI

Berbalik kepada suatu memori

kisah yang mendukakan aku

kalau pangkalnya ceria semarak

berbisik sepi pada naluri sebak

Tika ku menjulang kemenangan

disambut dengan festival kegembiraan

tika ku mendulang kekalahan

diarak dengan pesta kekecewaan

hambar menambah kesedihan

mengapa proksi ini seringkali terjadi

kontra dengan pengalaman sebenar

Hidup mengajarku untuk lebih tabah

hidup memberiku makna kejujuran

hidup menyinariku akan kesetiaan

hidup memanduku untuk lebih tenang

hidup merampas kebahagiaanku

hidup mengubah segalanya

hidup adalah perbandingan kehidupan

Tika ku kembara ke pentas bernyawa

dimegahkan dengan seribu kemanisan

tika ku kembali meratap kesunyian

diratapi hingga titisan gerimis terakhir

mujur ada sang pelangi membantuku

kala belenggu pudar yang akan punah

dek lumrah erti kehidupan sejati

merana atas dilema ini

lantas ku pergi dari sini

meninggalkan pancaroba yang songsang

kontra dengan suratan hidup

Sudah ku kenang memori itu

tatkala mindaku masih mentah berair

betapa di bumi ini telah ku terokai

akhirnya ketemu lubuk mewah buat hidupku

bukan pada lahiriah tapi kondisi yang bukan proksi

dari apa yang kita ketahui

Sudah dapat dilihati kepak berdarah itu

tatkala merantau mencari kehidupan

betapa pelusuk benua diselami

akhirnya menangis sedu kepada keresahan

bukan pada lahiriah tapi cetusan kejayaan

dari apa yang telah kita capai…

Nukilan : AuzanSyaidi

Merdeka; vol.1

2011-08-19T23:01:00.002+08:00

sempena bulan merdeka ni, saya nak menggambarkan perasaan saya menerusi coretan puisi la. hahahahaha. bosan. lol.

LAYAR BELIA MERDEKA

Pesan seorang ibu

'kemudilah bahtera ini merentas gelora minda,

ada tiga ceritera memberi petunjuk'

Lalu tinggi layar diangkat

menyahut seruan bonda

mengemudi sebuah armada

sebagai belia bermaruah

Berlabuh di pinggir hingar

penuh dengan anak muda

meneraju sebuah empayar

berteraskan nusa dan bangsa

Meredah ombak yang rakus

diiringi suria memancar

ada nakhoda yang mulus

memimpin dunia malar

Di balik cetera ini

terutuslah wasiat bernyawa

menebarkan janji-janji

yang jika digapai berat

yang jika digenggam padat

yang jika disimpan erat

menjadi satu mandat

tiada berbagai

Singgahnya disambut alunan merdu

bangga adanya pemuda-pemudi

berjaya menjejak labirin ini

sekian lama tertutup menunggu

pembuka kunci

merintis cahaya

Kata ibu lagi

'seusai persinggahanmu

maka terlerailah kisah pertama'

Diajarnya dengan ilmu

tersemat nilai-nilai murni

yang bertunas sejak azali

di pangku keluarga yang paling setia

Tak habis ilmu ditiup

tak habis ilmu disedut

tak guna membuka pandangan

kala minda dilindung tempurung

Ibarat satu simfoni sang maestro

belia adalah sebuah muzik

yang ada nota-notanya

tinggi rendah nadanya

cerminan kebiasaan

jatuh bangun seorang manusia

Sepurnama membina diri

mengenal erti sebuah perjalanan

menggalas misi mencari kehidupan

bersiap-sedia mengorak langkah

Kalam ibu pada suatu ketika

'penuhnya dirimu dengan ilmu pengetahuan

tandanya sedia melihat realiti

terungkaplah sudah kisah kedua'

III

Layar kembali di dada langit

mencecah pelangi yang tersenyum

kelana insan gah, gagah dan tabah berilmu

bakal memangkin kegemilangan sebuah negara

Terdidiknya generasi ini

searus dengan pemodenan pesat

setara dengan harapan menggunung

tak ada jarak memisahkan kelainan bangsa

tak ada atap memayungi perbezaan agama

tak ada lembayung merencatkan bersatunya kaum

Pentingnya ilmu itu

untuk belia dinamika

mengenal erti kehidupan

mengenal makna merdeka

mengenal maksud sebenar perpaduan

Kepulangan yang dinanti

disambut sayu seorang ibu

membena perasaan pilu

mendendami apa itu rindu

pada anak yang telah jauh

menebar keringat mendakap ilmu

menutup cerita ketiga

untuk menjadi belia kebanggaan

Marcapada

para intelektual muda inilah

belia pencetus revolusi minda

warga bervisi inilah

belia pencorak keluarga bahagia

para intelektual muda inilah

belia peneraju masyarakat berbakti

warga berpaksi inilah

belia penggerak wawasan negara

Pesan ibu dahulu

'tanggung tak lengkap tanpa jawab

kasih tak mesra tanpa sayang

jasa takkan megah tanpa bakti

nusa takkan berdiri tanpa bangsa'

Deskripsi inilah

yang terngiang-ngiang di mindaku

untuk ku salurkan kepada anakku

agar diwadahkan kepada cucu cicitku

penerus kemajuan mutlak

Melodi ini kusingkap satu persatu

kendati bunyinya tak sama

namun integriti-integriti inilah

yang membentuk satu integrasi.

Nukilan : AuzanSyaidi

a note

2011-07-20T14:26:00.000+08:00

rasanya dah lama x update kat sini,.
ada few things aku nak cerita tapi lepas lepas ni la ok.
busy sgt.

1) internship kat zico yg super best
2) maritime moots yang super osome
3) harry potter movie yang super cool
4) lawasia moots yang super..... (bakal)

:)

truth

2011-07-19T13:55:00.002+08:00

you are the core of my strength.
don't leave me ever again.
i love you.

for you.

2011-07-17T11:27:00.000+08:00

when people gets so emotional, we shall just let it be.
we shall not take what they said seriously.
it doesn't matter; as long as in deep of your heart, you know you love that person.

one

2011-07-09T00:48:00.002+08:00

talking to you was the best thing today.
i miss u so much.
love u lots.
muahx.

phone

2011-07-07T01:16:00.001+08:00

call me back.
:)
i love you.

when you smile

2011-07-05T23:15:00.001+08:00

you are amazing; just the way you are.
muahhhx.

yum yum

2011-07-02T18:23:00.000+08:00

today's food was osome tooo!

1) spaghetti marinara with squidsss n prawnsss

2) mushroom rice

3) salad with dressing

4) chicken + mango + lemon

5) korean chicken steak

6) germany beef goulache

7) salmon steak + cheese

8) broccoli + wild mushrooms

9) crispy shrimp nugget

10) sago + fruits

11) plain water + tea + coffee

good lunch NUS!

jyeah!

i just love food.

2011-07-01T20:43:00.000+08:00

supreme food today during our welcoming dinner.

(weird names; i'll just name them with my own wordings. th.)

1) variety of fruit punch, wine and beer.
2) stuffed beef bruschetta
3) stuffed salmon with lemon and cheese
4) garden salad and 1000 island dressing
5) chicken + lychee ala thai
6) garlic and butter rice
7) cheese and chef recommended sausages with cheese
8) baked potatoes with herbs
9) sauteed mussels
10) mango crepe
11) some tiny stuffs

altogether, so yummmy. delicioso. alhamdulillah.
it was sooooo gooooood.
looking forward for tomorrow and tomorrow...
:)

muahx.

2011-07-01T13:49:00.001+08:00

i miss my other half.
take care. makan ubat ok.
muahx.

hurm

2011-06-28T23:41:00.000+08:00

hey babe.

i just can't deny this fact. but i think i don't know you that much. i believe you've been so secretive about yourself. frankly, i don't like that. don't raise this elsewhere etc but do know this fact. i'm telling you what i feel. i don't think that i even know half of you. i honestly dislike what i'm feeling right now. i'm sorry. i just think i have the rights to know about yourself. you've to tell me. otherwise, it won't work.

i love you sayang.

:))

2011-06-21T10:47:00.002+08:00

you are just too good to be true;

can't take eyes off you.

i love you.
i promise you i'm gonna be a good boy ok!

syukur

2011-06-17T09:46:00.003+08:00

xdala bagus sangat result aku. in fact, memang x bagus pun. tapi alhamdulillah. apa yang aku anggap killer subjects bagi keputusan lebih baik dari subjects yang aku harapkan pertolongan. subjects yang dimaksudkan adalah 2 subjek favourite aku. pelik. carry mark pun macam ok. final pun aku rasa aku jawab ngan happy 2 paper ni. hurm, turned out results yang sangat cacat bagi aku. mungkin benar apa kata seseorang itu. ;)
gpa aku adalah yang paling rendah sepanjang aku amek law. sejak asasi hingga sekarang. results aku semakin teruk semakin lama semester. aku tahu kenapa. aku tak fokus. aku main-main. dan ini adalah fakta yang hanya kenalan rapat tahu; "aku tak minat law sampai sekarang. aku belajar untuk exam. aku belajar untuk kerjaya. aku masuk mooting untuk tanam minat aku kat law. tapi, aku macam masih belum blend in dengan law. mungkin sebab aku xikhlas membuatkan aku x boleh concentrate and score. aku rindu pilihan utama aku; architecture."
aku pelik dengan sistem uitm. ini membuatkan aku happy. walaupun result aku agak teruk compared to before, cgpa aku di tahap yang aku sangat puas hati. still on track to grab a 1st class degree; insya-allah. aku kena tukar direction aku. aku kena belajar betul-betul final year ni. mooting pun aku akan retire july ni. so aku boleh bagi seratus peratus concentration kat pelajaran. kawan-kawan, tolong aku minat law. please.
aku frankly xdak gambaran aku jadik lawyer atau hakim atau yang seangkatan dengannya. aku nak jadik arkitek. boleh tak? too late ojan. this has been destined. aku kena belajar untuk suka dengan jalan yang aku telah pilih. aku mesti tapi macam mana. honestly, aku xpernah beli buku-buku law hinggalah seminggu sebelum final exam. this is not good. its just i dont have that 'it-thing' to do that. gila la kau ojan. kawan-kawan, aku perlukan bantuan korang. mcm mana nak minat law. hahaha.
aku enjoy mooting. aku suka mooting. walaupun pressure dia omg. awal july, aku akan berangkat ke singapore untuk mooting maritime. (markah moot aku teruk; damn). hujung july aku akan berangkat ke ~~korea~~ (sesuka hati ja) untuk mooting lawasia. selepas itu, aku akan meraikan persaraan aku sebagai mooter. aku akan menjadi pelajar sepenuh masa. dalam usaha menanam minat untuk menjadi seorang lawyer. (a blur picture of being one). thanks moots for a wonderful journey. :)
tinggal lagi seminggu aku akan habis internship kat zico. this experience here is priceless. i cant get it anywhere else. what i learnt best here is that since my course is a 3+1 thingy; BLS is just a ticket to LLB. LLB does most matter. LLB punya results yang orang akan tgok time interview. as well as a good cv. tapi aku tetap berazam nak grad BLS ngan 1st class degree insya-allah. mama, abah; adik akan berusaha untuk buktikan ni. amin. (LLB kita kira belakang ok. hehe)

thanks to everyone. welcome to final year ojan. in the process of liking law.

my dear friends and lecturers; please help me.

amin amin ya aku bersyukur kepadaMu.

i wanna to learn, unlearn and relearn.

;)

uno

2011-06-16T21:47:00.002+08:00

i love u too.

look

2011-06-16T20:38:00.002+08:00

the joy that has been killed.

r.i.p

blanc

2011-06-16T11:54:00.000+08:00

you've made believing as one difficult action. alas.

glare

2011-06-16T00:44:00.001+08:00

too much; too hurtful.

you're just too good to be true.

stare

2011-06-13T08:51:00.004+08:00

where have you been?

you had me at hello.

glimpse

2011-06-12T15:26:00.000+08:00

kalau dah sayang; marah ka, merajuk ka,

sayang tetap sayang.

honk

2011-06-10T15:27:00.001+08:00

everything's gonna be alrite. insya-allah.

glance

2011-06-08T17:19:00.000+08:00

today is 8th of June 2011.

my last day of internship is this 27th of June 2011.

i'm off for maritime starting on 30th of June 2011 or 1st of July 2011.
(*cross fingers*

lawasia is in July 22nd 2011.

p/s: these are just dates. but in the end of the day, i can't wait for 24 July 2011.
pp/s: that's when i'll be home. home sweet home. i miss my family; effing much.

stance

2011-06-03T17:05:00.001+08:00

i'm getting better

feeling better

speaking of cockyness

oh boy

u dont have to be one

adding another superior peep

which we dont need

uninvited

leave that

alas

its up to u.

minced

2011-06-02T11:49:00.000+08:00

i am myself; my new-self.

i got low self-esteem.
just realized this.

i dont know what i've done
what i'm doing
what i'm gonna do
simply clueless

'bout my previous fall;
i've decided
i'm not a loser
i'm a fighter
i'll survive
through these hardworks/ships

3 major things at 1 time
i aint quitting one
wait, 4 actually
i will survive
i know that
please ojan
gain ur self-esteem

i hope everything is going well
gonna be good
let us hope
pray and wish
for everyone

i can do this
i want to do this
the rewards
nonetheless
are remarkable
what a wishful thought

come on ojan
everything
gonna be alrite
be strong
have faith

p/s: thanks to you too sayang.
1 feeling 2 say 3 words 4 you
i love u.

imminence

2011-06-01T22:30:00.000+08:00

my heart is broken.

my heart is crashed.

the feeling is like u fell from a 88-storeys building.

with a perplexed combination of wrong magnitude and latitude.

everything went wrong.

this is not right.

persistance

2011-06-01T09:01:00.002+08:00

"Hello, is it me that you're looking for?"

p/s: i don't feel so.

elegance

2011-05-31T09:12:00.001+08:00

a morning greet from zico.
hello hello malaysia.

my mind is so puzzled.
my heart is so drizzled.
i dont know what to say, what to do.

p/s: i just want you!

prudence

2011-05-30T08:26:00.000+08:00

dah lama gila x update blog kan.
life has been very busy.
aiyoyo.

what i'm up to now?
currrently buat intern kat zico.
preparing for maritime moot.
n ready la for lawasia moot.

deep in my heart;
i dont want this.

i wanna resign from intern.
buat kat perlis.
i wanna withdraw from maritime.
i don wanna join lawasia.
but these sound stupid.
hurmmmmmmm...

I'M SO SORRY

2011-04-20T16:25:00.001+08:00

i feel sorry for myself.
i feel sorry for my frens.
i feel sorry for my team mates.
i feel sorry for everyone.
i feel sorry for you.

i'm a bad mooter. i'm sorry that i'm chosen to be in maritime & lawasia. i'm sorry my team members. i'm so sorry. i'll do my best i promise. but i still am so so sorry.

emancipation; vol.2

2011-04-11T01:24:00.000+08:00

life has been so lifeless.
life shall never be called life again.
life is not meant to be a life.
life is so lifeless.
i want all of these to end.
i want to meet my family.
i want to spend times at home.
i want to have myself back.

p/s: planning a housewarming after 2 years plus. nanti gtau haeme, kami, mirul ngan ammar. haha.
pp/s: planning to go for a vacation. hurm, kena simpan duit banyak2.
ppp/s: i love my heartbeat. u make me stronger. i love you sayang.

moot book; part.1

2011-01-30T19:41:00.002+08:00

joys, sorrows, happiness, tears, silence, laughters.

~moot club uitm~

55

2011-01-08T03:40:00.006+08:00

Not marble, nor the gilded monuments
Of princes, shall outlive this powerful rhyme;
But you shall shine more bright in these contents
Than unswept stone, besmear'd with sluttish time.
When wasteful war shall statues overturn,
And broils root out the work of masonry,
Nor Mars his sword, nor war's quick fire shall burn
The living record of your memory.
'Gainst death, and all oblivious enmity
Shall you pace forth; your praise shall still find room
Even in the eyes of all posterity
That wear this world out to the ending doom.
So, till the judgment that yourself arise,
You live in this, and dwell in lovers' eyes.

118

2010-12-23T16:30:00.000+08:00

Like as, to make our appetite more keen,

With eager compounds we our palate urge;

As, to prevent our maladies unseen,
We sicken to shun sickness when we purge;
Even so, being full of your ne'er-cloying sweetness,
To bitter sauces did I frame my feeding;
And, sick of welfare, found a kind of meetness
To be diseased, ere that there was true needing.
Thus policy in love, to anticipate
The ills that were not, grew to faults assur'd,
And brought to medicine a healthful state
Which, rank of goodness, would by ill be cur'd;
But thence I learn and find the lesson true,
Drugs poison him that so fell sick of you.

only; part.1

2010-12-12T13:04:00.002+08:00

dear my love out there.

i miss u badly.

love u lots lots lots.

similar; part.5

2010-12-12T13:03:00.000+08:00

IHL 2010 has ended.

wonderful, awesome, fantastic.

all the days we had were momentous.

prosecution managed to get 5th in prelims.

defence nailed for 2nd in prelims.

n defence went thru all the way to final and got 2nd.

foremost, alia won best mooter; wuhuuuuu!

IHL 2010 was indeed a great experience for 'bilis' team.

on top of that, thanks lots sir irwin, miss ummi, the seniors, families, frens who were with us everytime.

'REMOR!!!!'

similar; part.4

2010-12-09T16:19:00.000+08:00

"its tomorrow!!!"

p/s: redha dan tawakkal.

similar; part 3.

2010-12-08T14:53:00.000+08:00

"in 2 days; the eyes will no longer smile..."

p/s: can i do this?

similar; part.2

2010-12-07T12:47:00.002+08:00

"the big day will come....in 3 days?"

p/s: omg!!!

40

2010-12-03T19:37:00.001+08:00

Take all my loves, my love, yea, take them all;

What hast thou then more than thou hadst before?

No love, my love, that thou mayst true love call;

All mine was thine before thou hadst this more.

Then if for my love thou my love receivest,

I cannot blame thee for my love thou usest;

But yet be blamed, if thou thyself deceivest

By wilful taste of what thyself refusest.

I do forgive thy robbery, gentle thief,

Although thou steal thee all my poverty;

And yet, love knows, it is a greater grief

To bear love's wrong than hate's known injury.

Lascivious grace, in whom all ill well shows,

Kill me with spites; yet we must not be foes.

p/s: thank you 'S' for comforting me with these ecstatic lines; for the shoulder as well...

lament; part.1

2010-12-03T11:48:00.001+08:00

IMPOSSIBLE...

I remember years ago

Someone told me I should take

Caution when it comes to love

I did, I did

And you were strong and I was not

My illusion, my mistake

I was careless, I forgot

I did

And now when all is done

There is nothing to say

You have gone and so effortlessly

You have won

You can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now

Shout it from the roof tops

Write it on the sky line

All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy

And my heart is broken

All my scars are open

Tell them what I hoped would be

Impossible, impossible

Falling out of love is hard

Falling for betrayal is worst

Broken trust and broken hearts

I know, I know

Thinking all you need is there

Building faith on love and words

Empty promises will wear

I know, I know

And now when all is gone

There is nothing to say

And if you're done with embarrassing me

On your own you can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now

Shout it from the roof tops

Write it on the sky line

All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy

And my heart is broken

All my scars are open

Tell them what I hoped would be

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible!

immersed

2010-11-26T14:43:00.000+08:00

"triggered, pulled and sucked.."

flattened; vol.1

2010-11-20T23:55:00.000+08:00

'demi sebuah kenyataan

yang amat menyakitkan

aku yang tidak berdaya

hanya berserah padanya'

over.

2010-11-16T11:58:00.002+08:00

exam is over;

but the journey continues,

hi mooting.

after a while..

2010-10-19T14:24:00.001+08:00

KULAI

Syahdu

ulangtahun kelahirannya

tinggi melayang ke angkasa

bertanyalah pungguk pada bulan

‘siapa ku yang sebenar’

bulan terkedu

bulan diam bisu tak terkata

ada dua sisipan

antara tiada nilainya

atau helah yang beraja

terbiar berarus

Malam

pungguk rindukan bulan

bulan juga begitu

tapi pungguk sering berubah rupa

juga sabit separa gerhana pula sang bulan

gerimis merajuk dari awanan

membawa diri ke tanah rata

menyangkal perkasa si mentari

menyembah buana titipan angin

merasakan sengketa bulan dan pungguk

pungguk kecewa

tagihnya kasih dibalas pilu

memohon asmara berbalas sendu

gelitalah malam

tika bulan menutup mata

terbitnya pagi

setelah satu subuh perangnya langit

seteru bulan dengan mentari

membena antara duanya

beradulah bulan pada masanya

pagi disembah cahaya suam

Lalu

hilanglah kisah bulan dan pungguk

kala bulan merajuk di tabir malam

kala mentari gah muncul mendada

kala pungguk tak daya lagi terbang

gerimis mencecah lantai dunia; berkabung

sirnanya kasih bulan pada pungguk

yang gagal berkekalan

pokta dan subal menghiasi

termeterailah satu epik yang terkulai.

please deny.

2010-10-18T15:57:00.000+08:00

i cant resist myself from wondering this...

IS THIS THE BEGINNING OF THE END?

P/S: and oh. Happy Birthday Auzan Syaidi. the 20th.

mutual apology; part 3.

2010-10-17T16:58:00.000+08:00

2nd case is now done.

misunderstanding and admission and confession help.

sorry for being honest but its for ur betterment.

we are besfrens. useless to keep fighting.

similar; part 1.

2010-10-17T14:49:00.001+08:00

"the heavy rain outside that keep pouring down signify myself now"

just and fair.

mutual apology; part 2

2010-10-16T21:00:00.000+08:00

1st case is done.

'misunderstanding, misconception, misinterpretation and misconducts'

quoting your words:

'we could've been one of the great teams.'

i agreed. very true.

lets forget about this ok.

and yes, thanks to all of our friends for listening us.

maybe we were all tensed and PMS-ed with final just around the corner.

again, sorry all!

mutual apology; part 1.

2010-10-16T07:54:00.008+08:00

vivid dilemma.

yes, this is the 'it-thing' now.

1) MISUNDERSTANDING

-since then, i've been telling your haters that you are not like that and such. i even tried making things positive to their eyes; yeah about you. when they say you are like this and that, i will go opposite when it' necessary. but now, you turned it upside down. you said things to peeps that i did that n more. factually, its an error. i never said that. i even have an evidence. and i'm not scared for a confrontation coz what you told them was a fallacy. how on earth a person could misrepresent someone's and backstabbed that person as well. and you badmouthed me too in the very first instance. this is beyond any reasonable thoughts. wait, it is normal in this kind of thing nowadays.

-i'd prefer silence but in this matter it's feasible to be solved if we really try to clear things out and please STOP making new false statements and examples especially when i never expressly or impliedly saying it. coz in the end people will laugh at you for making a 'what' thing. furthermore, even if i concede that i accused you; hey open your eyes, your accusation towards me was more delightful since you brought up stuffs that i never said. pardon me if i'm bad at technology that there is the presence of an application that can translate words into rude and harsh wordings. tralalala, i'm not stupid though.

-if you wanna say that i attacked you by telling others stories; omg who badmouthed(on purposeless and baseless points) in the 1st place hah? nauzubillah. hey there, just mengaku je la. even without solid reasons, i apologied to you; why? coz its not worth it to have this fight to you. lets end this. over tau. and until now, i'm waiting for a mutual apology. lets look it like this. we both did same mistakes. and i dont know why; during this unstable period of me myself, i think this started from someone's responsibility; undone.

for you;

'when it's time to go, just remember to let it go,

when it's time to forgive, just accept and give.'

p/s: i do value and trust you still.

2) JUST TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE

-next crisis. about another person. hey you, you are worsening this situation. at time i mellowed myself down, u did something extrinsic and unbelievable. and it effects lotsa parties. and yes, another backstabber. cannot face this anymore. too good to be true. until now, i dont see any motive on why u did this to us? all of us are effing mad. and yes, you are worsening everything; s well as our friendship.

29

2010-09-12T00:35:00.007+08:00

When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes

I all alone beweep my outcast state,

And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,

And look upon myself, and curse my fate,

Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,

Featur’d like him, like him with friends possess’d,

Desiring this man’s art, and that man’s scope,

With what I most enjoy contented least;

Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,

Haply I think on thee,—and then my state,

Like to the lark at break of day arising

From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven’s gate;

For thy sweet love remember’d such wealth brings

That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

p/s: thank you S for this and yes; the shoulder. appreciate it lots.

2010-09-12T00:22:00.000+08:00

lets put a mask on.

sigh..

2010-09-04T21:24:00.001+08:00

dh start cuti.

tapi terima kasih lecturers atas assignments yang bertimbun.

raya dengan bukula jawabnya....

reimburse; vol.1

2010-08-07T17:55:00.002+08:00

what's enough is enough.

i've had all these enough.

all way long through this path.

i need something better than math.

in the mood to reimburse.

p/s: hi there Auzan Syaidi...

tornness; vol.2

2010-08-01T17:43:00.002+08:00

i've expected this remembrance to recur.

i've expected this to take place.

i've expected this since before.

i've expected this from you.

i've expected these.

tornness; vol.1

2010-08-01T01:36:00.002+08:00

specifying hidden crux.
illustrating perplexing innuendo.
implying crucial metaphor.
locating vivid intention.
history repeats without anyone speaks.

in the mood to reimburse.

communicative; vol.1

2010-06-04T04:16:00.002+08:00

speechless. silent. vicious. dreaming. missing. laugh. tears.

i love u!!

narcisstic

2010-05-16T00:17:00.003+08:00

trying to be cool.

coaxing u is true.

but in a condition when i've persuaded u a bit...just lets make things easier.

i've tried times to not really sulk. at 1 point last week, after i off-ed my phone, i realized that i won't do that again. i need u, dats da reason.

i've apologized. isnt that enough? even that moment i'm damn hurt. i told u i recovered coz i didn't want the bullshit discussion prolongs.

but i'm really disappointed. i didn't get ur support. u blamed me for everything. u mistook me to a vivid misinterpretation. but i didn't want to get mad to u. coz i know; always that i need u.

try to make things easier is what i meant before. support each other.

u've been nitpicking all my mistakes though at times when i'm least faulted.

lastly, do have faith in me. that's what u lack now. if u have 1, u would never doubt me again.

and just repeal any previous occasions. yes,they may become a guideline but they can never be always right.

we r not mind readers.

instead of these, we should be strong. fight everything thru this pathway.

be stronger now onwards.

formspring.me

2010-05-07T20:11:00.001+08:00

~~~Let's hope, pray & wish for everyone..~~~ http://formspring.me/chazazed

days that i hope to come again...

2010-05-04T04:38:00.003+08:00

i really don't know on how to express this in the simplest way. i think it's just hard for me to say this out loud. coz i know it's even difficult to make this comes true.

out of nowhere,i cried. pretty heavy. fuck the world if u wanna say anything on me. it's just on fact, i really really feel it;deep inside my heart.

i miss those 14 days we spent together.

i miss those moments we shared our laughs and tears.

i miss those pictures that we snapped as our remembrances.

i miss those people who cheered me up and made me stronger.

i do miss PKTR batch2007 a lot lot lot lot like helllllllllll..........

formspring.me

2010-05-02T18:07:00.001+08:00

~~~Let's hope, pray & wish for everyone..~~~ http://formspring.me/chazazed

mode

2010-04-29T02:58:00.000+08:00

tolonglah final exam habis dengan cepat.
i can smell my bed at home~~~

template; vol.5

2010-04-22T03:48:00.001+08:00

saya sangat lapar. dan bila saya makan makanan yang tak 'perform', saya akan cepat kecewa dan saya akan terus sakit kepala. saya tak tahu kenapa. tapi saya memang suka makan dan makan dengan sangat banyak. kawan saya cakap saya ni perut naga dan perut tong. kakak saya pula cakap yang saya ni ada bela. astaghfirullah.

hurm,tolong saya.

saya cepat lapar.

template; vol.4

2010-04-19T02:35:00.000+08:00

diriku adalah Auzan Syaidi. know me from the deep of my heart. ngee~~~

amor; vol.2

2010-04-16T19:30:00.000+08:00

Je t'aime sincerement...?

oui,je t'aime aussi.

coloring a blank white paper..

2010-03-31T01:33:00.002+08:00

life is actually resembling a blank picture.

specifically white.

it depends on us to put colors on it.

and how we really vary them all in forming beautiful scenery of a picture.

its us who decide the colors to be put on that paint.

lets do this together.

"let us hope, pray and wish for everyone..."

amor; vol.1

2010-03-21T18:15:00.001+08:00

the missing love now has resided back here;

in my heart.

template; vol.3

2010-03-21T15:24:00.002+08:00

i dunno y.

everything went wrong.

i dunno y.

1) jokes are jokes. but its hard for me to really blend with jokes these days. especially 'merapu' joke which makes me sound like a gigolo.

2) don't try to disguise urself by using another profile. ur objective is clear,ur motive is obvious. proofs are with me.

3) me;myself recently is being stressful. perhaps because of studies, or management-time,money,life and else.

4) if u know this thing is hard, y do you make it harder?

5) don't you have trust in me?

6) i'll be so mad if i know who hijacked my facebook account.

template; vol.2

2010-03-19T15:39:00.003+08:00

auzan syaidi demam.

tambah pulak dengan sakit kepala,sakit perut dan selesema.

no pressure to take medicines mean i wont makan ubat.

oh auzan syaidi, cepatla sihat.

awak ada 3 tests nex week.

ckp nk redeem ur busyness this weekend kan.

cepatla sembuh.

jangan on9 sangat. nanti lg pening ok.

auzan syaidi oh auzan syaidi.

awak degil la.

p/s: Happy Birthday ke 20 buat Nurhadi Zainol. muahxx!

template; vol.1

2010-03-18T23:33:00.002+08:00

1) sedih when my mom cakap my family will go on a vacation tomorrow morning. shit,i wanna follow. i should be home by today laaaa....

2) lemah when i realized that i'm having such bad fever accompanied with flu, headache n stomachache...

3) ketawa when my friends texted me to go out tonite to do some stupid stuffs.. hell no peeps!

4) takut when i knew that i'll be having 3 tests next week plus an expose'. haish.

5) menangis when i suddenly recapped what had happened during my high school time. owhhh!

6) kecewa when i found out that there are some friends are being judgmental in blaming others without lending ears for an explanation in correcting all misconception and misinterpretation ; misunderstanding.

7) sorry when i have to reply NO to all my friends who invited me to anything during this weekend and to those who texted me tonite. hurm.

8) senyum when i admit to myself that i love u; still. pay me some attention; please.

mutual vol.2

2010-03-15T02:42:00.002+08:00

'if you want me to appreciate you,
do the same thing.
do appreciate me as well.
make something in common,
don't just say something out loud;
but never put yourself in front of a mirror.
just think. why i acted like that?

one word. mutual.
allow me to constrain something that you demanded too.

if you want me to live in the way you wanted,
live yours like my way.'

mutual

2010-03-08T11:05:00.001+08:00

if i do this for u,why can;t u do the same thing for me.

i'm fragile.

i admit my mistakes.

but,it had happened in past.

lets think of now n future.

i love u.

tanpamu...

2010-02-17T16:36:00.002+08:00

Lirik Tanpamu - Siti Nurhaliza & Krisdayanti (CTKD)

Biasanya aku lelap tidur...

terbangun 'tuk fikirkan diri mu

mengenangmu yang kini telah jauh

Biasanya aku tenang tidur

terbuaiku mengingat dirimu

mencintamu namun kau telah jauh

Kucuba lupakan dirimu

mengingatmu hancurkan hatiku

Dahulu seia sekata,

namun kini semua telah berlalu

Sayang kuingatkan dirimu....

bahawa ku tak bisa hidup tanpamu.

Sayang kuingatkan dirimu…

Bahawa ku tak bisa hidup tanpamu.

when new orleans meet new york...

2010-02-05T16:04:00.003+08:00

when 2 different cultures meet in one dry road, xeric path of life,it tends to make life goes hard, it tends to harden an olready complicated matter. yet we choose to not avoid it. but we decided to go on with it, to live with it and to be united through its diverging dilemma. following the flow does not necessarily mean that we have to actually be dictated by only one paradigm.

in order to shifting the whole vivid elucidation, it's only us who has the right and own a duty to micro manage every single outcomes of this intricate. still,if we stick to a standpoint that we would bear with it and would definitely arise with this parameter, we've made a conclusion that we;ourselves to have faith in it.

loving it as many as u can,as long as you know the limit of the boundary without harming any proxies of an intuition. keep lamenting on something won't even give any resolution. still,breathe through this zephyr would do help.

do murmur silently. that's not helping. voice out. its ur intertwine that aids.

euphoric

2010-01-07T20:40:00.002+08:00

sometimes,kita ada macam2 masalah.
ada yang kita sendiri undang dan yg paling x bez tuh yg kita x penah expect.
kadang2 buat bazir air mata,bazir masa ja pikir.
tengok2 jalan penyelesaian ada depan mata ja.

memang ah kita x penah nak agak yang sebab pa masalah tuh wujud,muncul at the first place.
no one's perfect tapi trying is just good enough kan.
pening pening...hesh!

mujur ada kawan2 yg setia membantu,sejati menolong.
thanks yo!

yg paling sukar untuk kita hadapi ialah jalan penyelesaian tu tak semestinya betul.
kita kena guide jugak.
even kadang2 kita kena tanggung risk yang ada.
heh.

HESH...

2010-01-06T10:15:00.006+08:00

Shakespeare illustrates LOVE in his Sonnets as something beautiful,passionate and eternal.

In Sonnet 29,

'From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven’s gate;
For thy sweet love remember’d such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.'

hesh, it beautifies the sense of loving as well as living throughout the journey of searching 1.

tentang dia...

2010-01-06T09:19:00.002+08:00

bagaikan bintang yang bersinar
tak tentu kerlipan nyatanya
ku ada siratan bergetar
terurai kala rasa terluka...

new day,new sem,new me.

2010-01-04T03:24:00.001+08:00

kebobrokan penerapan rekayasa sosial dalam industri perfileman muasir ini menjadi kayu ukur kepada pelestarian mutu filem yang bakal diterbitkan.
seharusnya pihak berwajib mengambil inisistif pragmatik yang kritis dalam usaha memajukan industri ini yang sekiranya diuntai satu persatu bonanzanya.

-aku tulis ni sebab aku nak tulis-

mara...

2010-01-02T09:47:00.002+08:00

maralah kasihku
mengejar impian
menggapai harapan
menghias kenangan...

maralah kasihku
terjaga dari mimpi
menjaga sanubari
dijaga diri...

TRUST

2009-11-22T02:31:00.003+08:00

let's talk sumthin bout TRUST.
it relates to everything.
especially when it comes to friendship.
heh.
shit,tetiber blank.
haha.
xpela,to be continued.
ngee,tralala.

p/s: having fun kat Perlis. yeay! schedule will be filled up soon eh!!!

I'M HAPPY FOR THIS...

2009-11-13T14:17:00.002+08:00

it's better to sacrife a friendship so that your fren will learn to appreciate you more n more after this.

it's better to just consider this as a remedy that you've to pay after 'rubbish-ing' your frens all this while.

we may start a new chapter...

BUT IT' JUST NOT NOW!!!!

""""""wonderful"""""""

2009-11-05T19:29:00.003+08:00

thx for blaming me for that.
thx for breaking a 'kononnya nak berlagak baik' vow.
thx for making me so bad n sad.
thx for :comforting: me.
thx for twisting all words.
thx for allowing me taking another painkiller.
thx killers!

THX FOR TEARING ME DOWN.

My abah selalu ckp 'sapa yg buat adik nanges mesti u r gonna hate dat person sampai mati'...
My fren slalu ckp 'u dunt mess with ojan'...
My kakak slalu ckp 'sapa yg carik pasal dengan ang mesti x fikir hari esok kan'...
My rum8 slalu ckp 'mess wit ojan means messing with banyak org giler'...

i dunno what to say n imply here.
just dat, is it dat easy for u to just to accuse me like dat?
n on top of dat, y it's always me to be blamed at the first place n y it's olways me who will be found NOT guilty but yet be accused times n times...
and why the hell on earth people do not learn from their mistakes?
by forgiving a person times n times for the same mistakes?

To be continued.....

kelakar tapi serius

2009-10-04T22:48:00.001+08:00

i've found a replacement for my heart..
but u will always be part of my soul...

shifting paradigm

2009-09-12T22:03:00.002+08:00

1st Respondent:

-ozan...weyh sorry weyh. aku agak busy la. sgtg2 sorry sebab dah lama tak kontek ang. jgnla marah. nanti bila aku kol angkat eh. penat je aku hantar mesej banyak banyak tapi takda sapa reply. nanti minggu depan aku g umah ang time raya eh.

2nd Respondent:

-only God knows how much i'm confuse ryte now. only God knows how much i try to stop this feelng. coz i know in da end both of us wll suffer.

3rd Respondent:

-jan,ko kat mana? aku pun rindu kat ko. jgn la benci aku eh. ko nak cekik aku guling guling ngan aku pun boleh. janji ko tak marah aku eh. jangan pendam marah taw!

* aih..pening2...*

same paradigm

2009-09-10T10:58:00.003+08:00

only God knows how much I hate u at this moment...
only God knows how much I miss u at this moment...
only God knows how much I wanna kick,punch n choke u at this moment...
only God knows how much I dislike the same thing to keep happening...
only God knows how much I suffer from this loneliness without u...
only God knows how much I confuse when I have to reject all ur calls and ignore ur texts...
only God knows how much I hate u MORE n MORE...

So Far...

2009-08-10T15:02:00.002+08:00

aiseh..
dah lama tak upd8 blog neh..
sowey ah..agak bz dowh....penat giler...
sabtu neh nak pegi UM kot,nak tgok Mock Trial 'KISAH SUPERMODEL TERLAMPAU'...?
it sounds pretty kool uh?
ahad neh plak,ada PERKAD...
haha,insya-allah H-COY bleh punyer....
sayang kowang...
time neh pun tgah ada SAF...
untuk kawan2 yg men tuh GUD LUX eh....
FUU boleh!!!!!!!
erm,pe lagi eh?
i'm now waiting for JPA results n HSBC results scholars...
takut pun ada,kalau tak dapat alamatnya kenala PTPTN...adoi...
ok,nanti ah upd8 lain..
nak wat assignment jap..
XD

p/s: rindu Mama,Abah,Kakak,Abang,Kak Ija n Ayie...muahhh!!! nak balik umah!!!!

july 2009

2009-07-12T22:21:00.002+08:00

urm...
dah masuk BLS 213...
urm abah cakap 'dh masuk degree neh dh tua la..so act like a man...u r not a boy anymore!'
then mama plak cakap 'blajar betol betol...degree neh makin susah...score time asasi pun takder maknanya kalo if u keep being a playful person...jangan careless sangat...jangan malas sangat..'

haha,i'll try eh!

first week agak bosan...x buat papa pun slain beli sepasang slacks hitam padini kat pyramid...owh,'meaningful giler' first week kan..

weekend plak kena register koko n i registeres for kesatria...adoi...teringat KRS dulu2...
paling best-INDUCTION kitorang...haha,ingatkan bosan tapi bez...plus,dapat kenal budak2 prelaw merbok,kuantan,sptm,diploma n matrix...they are pretty kool laa!

esok start kelas secara official...gudluck ojan!!!

UT MARA DEBATING SOCIETY

2009-06-06T16:37:00.002+08:00

hak hah..

expected! i knew it! i like it!

UT MARA DEBATING SOCIETY is the coolez coolez coolez society i ever 'registered'...
hak hah...

amazing debaters n trainers n people; hak hah... no i think - AMAZING FAMILY!!!!

joys and sorrows
JUST FOLLOW THE FLOW!!!!

enigma again...

2009-06-06T15:05:00.002+08:00

go go go go away ENIGMA!!!!!!

EUREKA

2009-05-21T12:19:00.002+08:00

haha...
i miss u people...
my classmates LWP02D,
my rummates,
my hang-out mates,
hak hah..
on of coz...
my debate mates!

bosan...

2009-05-06T16:34:00.003+08:00

aku bosan!!!

PRESUMPTION

2009-04-25T22:54:00.001+08:00

saya SAYANG kamu juga...

FUCK<>FUCKER<>FUCKIST n <> FUCKING!...

2009-04-18T02:28:00.003+08:00

it's hurtful to see a person you (invisibly) love went out with someone else that you not comfy with..

i dunno what to say but 'saya sayang kamu' larr..
it's just that i can't say it to you..
since i know it would bring loads of circumstances and problems..
to you,to 3rd party and it leads to intrigue towards me then...
you are such a FUCKER..
u poured me with millions of sweet-sayings and mailto:*&%5E@#$^&OI&^%$#@#$%^...
but still,u still keep in silent sometimes and dunt even pick up my call; and dunt reply my messages too..
ok,maybe u think that i'm no longer 'into you' because i dunt fulfill what u want,what u intend..
but, i have reasons to do it by my own way..
i dunt want u to put hopes and dunt want u to feel left out in future..
coz we are not meant together even thou @#$%^*()($#$%^&mailto:$#$%^&*&^%$@#$%^& ....
'kamu sangat FUCK'...
i dunt know whats ur problems...
kadang-kadang kamu OK,kadang-kadang kamu KO..
i'm sick of picking up ur calls if u keep FUCKING u and me like this....
sometimes u keep bombarding me about how I owe u a lunch la,dinner la...per la...
i admit that...
but u've to understand...
what r the consequences of all these?

that day, saya nampak kamu keluar ngan $&*&^%^*&@#$%^&^%$#$%....
sad bad sad,it was about time to make u 'happy' with 'something'...
but,its ok..
u r such a FUCKIST!!!!!
dunt u ever talk to me again..
i'll DEFINITELY reject ur call and ignore ur messages...
i can't stand this anymore...

gOOdbye,the END!!!!

amitie'...

2009-04-13T14:30:00.002+08:00

amitie...
ami...

~jangan jaga HATI orang yang xtahu jaga HATI korang...

~jangan layan PERASAAN orang yang xtahu layan PERASAAN anda...

~jangan TAHAN orang yang tak TAHAN dengan kamu...

~jangan PENDAM kemarahan lama-lama agar tak terPENDAM sampai meletup...

lessons from an amitie...

-THE END-

)(&^%$#@#$%^&()(*&^%$#@#$%^&

2009-04-07T19:01:00.000+08:00

i've chose...

'THE ROAD NOT TAKEN'....

dia!!! WANTED!!!

2009-03-11T00:41:00.003+08:00

izzati!!!
atas kehendak ang..
hehe,here u go..
this is izzati!!!
banyak citer pasal dier..
antaranya..

-(atas persetujuan kami), dia banyak kali 'ter-raba' aku...hahha!! saman!!!

????

2009-03-05T20:42:00.000+08:00

My Personality


Neuroticism	76
Extraversion	73
Openness to Experience	39
Agreeableness	38
Conscientiousness	43

You are not generally self conscious about yourself, however you experience panic, confusion, and helplessness when under pressure or stress. You enjoy some excitment and risk taking in your life. You prefer dealing with either people or things rather than ideas. You regard intellectual exercises as a waste of your time. You do not enjoy confrontation, but you will stand up for yourself or push your point if you feel it is important, however you generally see others as selfish, devious, and sometimes potentially dangerous. You have a reasonable amount of will-power and are able to follow through on tasks that you feel you need to complete. You can be distracted however and have been known to procrastinate.

Free Website Poll

Jewelry

OMG!!!! I'M RIGHT!!!!

2009-03-05T01:23:00.003+08:00

IT'S REALLY REALLY HER!!!

It's Yuna!

She's my senior in SMK Derma..

Haih,if i;m not mistaken, her mom; Puan Anum Fawzia was also a teacher there..

i was in lower form but she's (Yuna) so famous with her bowling's achievement..

even my parents once asked me when they were on the way back from sumwhere on a plane..

"syaidi,kenal Yunalis tak? Mama jumpa dia kat atas flight tadik.. dia ckp dia budak Derma jugak"

owh..it's her..

dat nite, i was onlining and suddenly i searched-ed sumthing and RANTAI came out..

i was like 'wat's this' and there i knew Yuna, Ana n sumone else..

i wondered 'mcm penah nampak jer..'

then,dh nak dikatakan takdir..

i went to NO WINE & CHEESE PARTY 2009 by LawSoc at Galeri Shah Alam...

Yuna was performing songs that nite..

my thought once again swifted between the scrambled guess..

yeah,it's truly her..my senior in Derma..

then,before we went back; one of us asked me to snap pictures with Yuna..

and i was like 'yeah,this is the time...'

we took several pictures and i did ask her 'which school u were in before?'

she answered ' a lot..so, i thought it's aother Yuna...

urm then back again..i searched the net just now and it's HER!!!!

I"M RIGHT!!

she's Yuna an ex-dermarian !!!

the next superstar!